Anyway . . . I've started taking a yoga class. Anusara Yoga at Abhaya Yoga down the street from my apartment. Now, I've always been very conflicted about yoga, and this particular yoga class brings all my mixed feelings front and center. I've taken yoga classes in the basement of gyms and YMCAs, and yoga classes at real yoga places. The gym ones were probably the least authentic, but I always liked them just fine. I like the actual physical part of yoga: it feels great and has always seemed to me a perfect antidote to the standard gym workout. You know, you spend 3 or 4 days a week pounding your joints and scrunching and pushing your muscles; it's really sensible to spend at least one day stretching it all out. I've also always been concerned about things like posture and balance and that's a good deal of what yoga helps you with.
However, there's that whole spiritual side to yoga. On one hand, I like the idea of feeling spiritual while putting your body through all sorts of physical contortions. It makes sense to me to try to connect to what your body is telling you and "check in with" yourself and correct a posture or feel if you can really push a little harder. But on the other hand, I've always bristled a bit at what feels to me like phoney new-age spirituality. Maybe it's the traditional Catholic girl upbringing. Maybe it's the aversion to self-help stuff. I don't know. I can't quite put my finger on it. But when we start chanting at the beginning of class in some foreign language (Sanscrit? I don't even know.) There's a part of me that's thinking "Do you people even know if you're pronouncing this properly?" And then I chastise myself that it doesn't really matter. Stuff about truth and freedom and nature, sure, all nice and good. What's the harm? Why do I have to analyze it? Why can't I just go with the flow and open my heart to accept the universe. Until I start thinking that the heart is a muscle and "softening" it to "open it up" doesn't really make sense. So, I focus on the purely physical part that's a great challenge (going upside down? wheeeee!) and feel like I got something good out of my practice. But the chatter in my head? I'd probably be better off if I could make it stop and just let go. Ommmmmmmmm. What does it mean? Who knows. It does sound kind of nice, I guess.
